A quick 18 with... Eddie Pepperell

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Golf’s most outspoken star, Eddie Pepperell, reveals the three angriest players on tour, which popstar left him starstruck, and the one joke he tells every American player to help break the ice...

1. Biggest achievement/disappointment 
Signing with IMG! No, probably winning the British Masters and then the disappointment was not getting the fruit and nut bar from Justin [Rose]. He just gave me the regular Cadbury Dairy Milk, which I’ve never been a fan of. I should say he did get me one after, so I can’t say that. I’ll go for losing my card in 2016. 

2. How did you spend your first big pay cheque?
I seem to remember buying an iPad. I threw my laptop out of a window of a hotel in Toulouse in 2011. It was broken. I’d had it for years and it was doing my head in. So, I slung it out of the window.

3. Last time you were starstruck?
Since becoming as famous as I’ve become, I don’t get that starstruck very much anymore. I mean, I met Craig David this year. That was pretty cool.

4. Who’s the most famous person in your phone?
I have got some fairly famous people in my phonebook now. I had David Bowie, believe it or not. Who else have I got? I’ve got a few famous golfers. I’ve got Sergio’s number. I haven’t sent him any creepy messages just yet. But of all the golfers I would send a creepy message to, Sergio would probably be the one actually. 

5. Course you’d pay to play?
Sawgrass.

6. Angriest player?
This year, that’s a long list, isn’t it? Two or three years go, you’d have said Tyrrell Hatton, hands down, but actually he looks saintly now. In descending order: Tyrrell, Thomas Pieters and at No.1 I’m going to go Matt Wallace. 

7. Player you’d least likely to caddie for?
Matt Wallace... hands down!

8. Most extravagant purchase?
I spent a couple of hundred pounds at dinner on a bottle of Opus but I don’t think that’s too extravagant. Just put I’m a humble man of simple tastes.

9. Tell us your best joke?
Oh, it’s far too rude. I’ll tell you a joke I’ve used a lot this year, in America, which I’ve found to be a brilliant ice-breaker. Just casually say, did you see that actress who was murdered last night? They always say, oh no, who was it? And you say, oh, her name was Reese, what’s her name? To which they reply Witherspoon. And you say, no, with a knife! That’s a cracker. That even worked well with Bubba – and I did have my concerns!

10. Who would play you in a movie of your life?
Whoever’s got ugly with age.

11. Song that gets you on the dancefloor?
Creep, by Radiohead.

12. What’s your signature dish?
Chateaubriand. On the Big Green Egg.

13. One thing that would surprise people about you?
I’m actually not that intelligent. As someone called me on Twitter last year, I’m a pseudo intellectual. She hates me that lady!

14. How would you describe yourself in three words?
Last time I got asked this I said, wise, wine and w****r. Let’s go with that.

15. Best pro-am story?
You could class the Dunhill Links as a pro-am. I played with Kevin Pietersen one year and I broke my putter on the 3rd green at Carnoustie. I had to play the last 15 holes without a putter and I made a birdie on the last hitting driver, 3-wood and holing the putt with a 2-iron. I waved to the crowd with my 2-iron as if I’d made a century.

16. Should the European Tour implement a shot clock at every tournament?
No. I think most of us out here play pretty quickly. It’s trendy to vilify slow players. I’ve been guilty of that recently. 

17. Is the Major season too condensed?
Probably, yes. Six weeks between Majors would work. It was about four this year and did seem quick. 

18. Dream fourball?
Ricky Gervais, Stephen Fry and… who else? Caitlyn Jenner.